Hey now, hey now
Hey now, hey now

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night
I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright
Then I see the smile as I go oh, oh, oh
I would never want to miss this
Cause in my heart I know I’ll miss it

Chorus:
Hey now, hey now,
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now,
This is what dreams are made of
I’ve got somewhere I belong
I’ve got somebody to love
This is what dreams are made of

(Hey now, hey now, hey now this is what dreams are made of)

Have you ever wondered what life is about
You could search the world and never figure it out (figure it out)
You don’t have to sail all of the oceans no, no, no
Having this is no mystery it’s here and now
It’s you and me, yea

Chorus: x1

(Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now)

Open your eyes (this is what dreams are made of)
Shout to the sky (this is what dreams are made of)
Then I see the smile as I go oh oh oh
Yesterday my life was duller
Now everything is technical color

Hey now, hey now,
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now,
This is what dreams are made of
I’ve got somewhere I belong
I’ve got somebody to love
This is what dreams, dreams
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now (hey, hey, hey)
Hey now (hey, hey, hey)
This is what dreams hey now hey now (hey, hey, hey)
This is what dreams are
Dreams are made of

you're saying it again.
you told me the same thing so many times, i lost count.
but girl, do you really stop and think
if you meant what you say all the time.

promises are hard to keep, i know.
but things lyk these come naturally.
if it doesnt, maybe we shouldnt.
but i'll still be waiting on you.

waiting for the day you really see
what is in front of your eyes all these while.
there is no limit in our relationship
its something i believe beyond everything.

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yea I try to believe you,
But I cant

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today

I don't know how to feel,
Tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
Tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

xXx slowly we'll just fade away. xXx

spent the whole day at the sick bay..sleeping ! ._. yea after the australian math crap [which we had to endure the evil eyes frm susan lim bcos the majority of us slpt throughout the paper..we got scolded frm her cos of tht !! we were done w the paper so obv we sleep right !? then what ?! -rolls eyes- ]
had company throughout my day camp at the sick bay -- before recess there was elaine suffering from some eye thingie. after recess carol+xin had headache too ! xin's really a poor kid. one side of her nose was bleeding and the other side was blocked. ._.

lunch today : daisy hi-lo fresh milk + 2 tablets. ._. it sure was yummy.

but at least it worked :) now i can jump and skip and shout and scream and whoopee ! :D haha. oh wait -- think my headaches coming back. ahh. fuck.

-

monday
towned w reenx, nana, wanxin and yanni !! s2unity gathering or smth. haha. was really fun tho lizzie mcguire sucks. really lame show. do not watch it unless you intend to only look at lizzie mcguire acting cute for 2hours straight. and we met really mean ppl ! nana brought ths yoshinoya food and aate it at long johns cos we were all eating thr n ths weird worker by the name of benny lim kpt walking past our table and glaring at tht packet of food. and i really mean glaring ! as soon as nana ruffled the plastic bag and took out the food, his sharp ears cautioned him and he immediately zoomed to our table and started scolding us !! : 'please do not eat outside food here ! do you know its very offensive ?' blahblahblah. a whole buncha crap. and he spoke really harshly. found out tht long john's a halal restaurant and yoshinoya is not. oh well. he could at least chill a lil. she didnt evn open the cover of the food yet.
anothr incident ws in the theatre..ths really flat-faced ugly bitch was sitting in frnt of us and i dnt knw wht happned bt i think someone was talking and she turned ard and said sharply : can you lower down your volume !? and we were lyk v shocked. cos if anyone was talking, it was really muffled and soft cos we ourselves didnt hear anything. and yanni or somebody was lyk : huh ? we werent talking .. and she turned ard and glared at us : SHUT UP ! she roared. mad right !? l8r on we saw her standing outsyd cine peeling off one side of her heels and whacking her ugly boyfriend with it, w a very pissed off look on her face. and her boyfriend, who has ths pair of really ku-ku black specs and is shorter than her by probably one head, was laughing ! oh my. crazy couple. wht is the world coming to ?

-

shall continue w the story. :)
for some reason, my brother has elected to shave his head before the trial. he looks like a thug, and as soon as he is sitting up there in that cheap wood box, i can see him as the jury sees him : a loser, a danger to himself and the society. even i lose respect for him as he sits there mumbling his responses to the barked questions of the peosecutor.
the trial takes fours days, and the jury, a collection of people with dull, mean eyes, deliberates for two hours. they pronounce wade guilty and the judge says a few words about learning his lesson and sentences him to one month of house arrest, which means he has to wear this ankle tracking-device thing that will alert the police if he leaves our house. bonnie doesnt even show up at the courthouse.

this is how my brother spends his captivity : he sits in the backyard with the portable phone on his lap and calls bonnie about every 30minutes. he talks to her mother, who tells him shes sorry, but bonnie says not to call anymore. and he talks to her father, who says, 'son, this is not right. you will see that someday.' and then, after a week of calls, 'damn it, wade. we're calling the police,' which they do.
wade's probation officer calls and tells him that if he continues to harrass bonnie, he will request that wade spend the remainder of his sentence in an actual jail.
my brother loses weight. his eyes seem to pop out a bit, and there is a little rash of acne under each cheekbone. he doesnt look good, but i dont tell him that.
on the day the house arrest ends, wade drives his truck over to the lab where bonnie works. he doesnt go in or try to call first ; he just drives over there and waits in his truck.
when she emerges from the peach-colored building, he doesnt know what to say. she walks quickly across the parking lot to her old honda and drives away. wade just sits there, watching her. she doesnt even notice him.

his is not drunk when he crashes his truck. its just another accident, like the ones that happens everyday. wade is the guy lying on the side of the road, delaying traffic.
when the hospital calls, my mum and i are in the kitchen washing lettuce. she leaves the sink full of water, the leaves floating in there like lily pads, and grabs my arm. i know it is something terrible, but it isnt until she has pulled out of the garage and wound her way over to the freeway on-ramp that she says, ' your brothers in the hospital. '
a bright light pops in the back of my head and my teeth begin to chatter. i dig my nails into my palms and say, 'oh God,' over and over again until my mother shushes me.
wade is in the icu, already practically dead. they need my mother so they can pull the plug and use his organs on other people. his headis wrapped in a gauze and his eyes are swollen shut. there is a tube taped to his mouth and a needle in his arm. machines breathe and beep and purr. the black shapes on the floor are his blood. my mother pulls a chair over to his bed and presses his hand to her forehead. she isnt crying, just sitting with her eyes closed, holding wades hand.
i am standing against the door looking at him with something that feels like disgust. i think about how i will act when he gets home, how i will be distant and aloof, how i will make him earn my affection back. i leave the room to call bonnie. she will be sorry now, i think.
it takes forever for her to come to the phone, and when she does, she says, 'what?' like i have interrupted something horribly important.
'i just thought you would want to know that wades in the hospital.'
she sighs.
'hes in the icu,' i say.
i can hear her swallow, and then she asks what happened in the laziest voice you can ever imagine.
' he crashed his truck on the freeway. he totalled it. i think he's going to die.' my voice swings into a whine and i start to cry. when i start, i cant stop. bonnie is listening to me and i just stand there crying into the phone, unable to speak.
'should i come?' she says
'no,' i choke back. 'its your fault,' then i hang up. i hate her like a burn, but i hate myself more for not knowing to hate her sooner.

i stand there staring at the directions printed on the phone, the little drawings of coins and the long fingers of a woman depositing them into the proper slot. i stand there till a man asks me if im finished.
when i go back into wades room, my mother is standing away from the bed with her arms folded.
'say goodbye to your brother,' she says, as if he is leaving on vacation, going away to camp. i stare at her from the doorway. 'say goodbye to wade, cassie.'
when i go to my brother, it is as if im in one of those nightmares in which i cannot move my feet. i cannot look at his swollen face, the eyelashes crushed with bits of dried blood, the stretched, yellow sheen of his cheeks. i take his arm, cradling the perfect smooth stump of a hand in my own. it is warm, alive, and i stroke the place where a hand should be, touching the little thumb, running my hand up and down the smooth skin on the inside of the elbow.
my mother nods and then comes and takes wade's good hand. the doctor detaches the respirator from his mouth, leaving the end of the blue tube sticking up like a snorkel from his lips. we do not know he is gone until the doctor puts his hand on my mothers shoulder.
my mother lays wade's hand across his chest and i do the same with his other arm. on our way out, she signs some papers. his heart, his liver, his kidneys ; they can take what they want.
i stand there at the nurses' station. i want to tell them my brother just died. then a thought comes to my head, something to make them like him, make them care that he's gone. 'he was a nurse's boyfriend,' i say. my mother looks at me and squints. she is crying now and i expect her to correct me. instead, she grabs my hand and says my name, 'cassandra,' like a whisper.

-

oh ! and before i forget, i passed my math test regardless of the fact tht i plotted the graph the othr way !! :) with a little golden -- okayy it was a yellow star nxta it !! :D yipeeee !! -faints from happiness-

this is a story about my brother, wade. i should mention that when it all happened, i was not paying much attention to what was going on. its only now that i try to go back and remember. at the tym, i was starting grade eleven and sneaking out of my window at night to meet Anthony Lorie at the corner of Maple and Ohio. we would eat at the round table, and afterward we would go to the dugout at the st. josephs school for boys and make out, an act i found to be stimutaneously disappointing and wonderful. i was skinny, and boys had not noticed me much before that summer.

there are alot of places i could start, but i'll just start with when Wade met Bonnie, because thts the important part. he lyked her immediately. he was bored as hell working at the 7-11, and whn he got tired of reading magazines and stealing lottery tickets he would sit around waiting for something to distract him : a fight or a drunk, or a teenager trying to buy beer.
when bonnie first came in, wade noticed her right away. i should mention here that she is beautiful. mixed. her mum is from el salvador and her dad is white and she has this outrageous long black hair that hangs down her back and frames this heart-shaped brown face. she is older than him, but not much. i think she was 20 at the time.
right away she starts flirting with him. nothing sleazy, just talking about how hot it is, picking up her long black ahir and waving at the back of her neck. shes in a lab coat and thts when wade finds out she is phlebotomist, that she draws blood for a living. wade makes a face and asks her how she can stand the needles.
'never bothered me,' she answers.

the next day, she comes back and spends her whole lunch break leaning on the counter eating the free nachos wade gives her. she tells him about visiting her grandma in el salvador - how she drank only warm orange soda the whole time. she tells him about her parents and about the time she went to lake tahoe and got to gamble even thought she was only 17. shes asks him about his arm right away.
wade's arms ends in a smooth stump somewhere between his elbow and the place where his wrist would be. there is a tiny piece of rounded flesh attached to the end of it that i always thought was supposed to be a thumb but never made it.
'born this way,' he says, holding it up so she can see. 'my mum took too much afrin when i was inside.' he laughs.
then bonnie reaches out and touches his arm. nobody ever does that. even our mum doesnt like to touch it. but bonnie just reaches out and touches it, running her beautiful brown hands over the smooth end of it, touching the little start of a thumb. this is the second time they have ever met.
'cool,' she says. she asks him to bend it so she can see the inside of his elbow. she thumps his arm, watching the veins pop up. 'i could even draw from this guy,' she says.

by the time she comes over and me and our mum meet her. wade calls her his girlfriend. its been about three weeks, and all we know is that she has this really long hair and shes so beautiful, and he loves her so much, and blah blah blah. she comes over for dinner and i make this marcaroni casserole thats really good and bonnie helps my mum wash the dishes, and says we have a nice kitchen.
after bonnie and wade leave to go to the movies, my mum and i are in the bathroom brushing out teeth and she says, 'i liked her. wht did u think?'
'she was nice,' i say, because she was. but im not going to join a fan club or something.

on labour day, we have a cookout in our backyard, just me, and my mum, and wade, and bonnie.
'so,' wade says, his hand on our mum's shoulder, 'bonnie and me are going to look for an apartment around vacaville. theres a new hospital over there and she can get a job in the lab.' vacaville is about 10 miles away but wade says its lyk hes moving across the world.
my mum is setting the picnic table with these crappy plastic plates we have for cookouts, and she doesnt turn around or anything. she just keeps setting the table and says, 'where are you going to get the money?'
my brother makes about $7.13 an hour. i know because i asked. he tells my mum hes been saving, and that bonnie has been saving too, and that in about a month they will have enough for first and last months rent.
'that sounds good then, ' my mum says, and thats the end of the conversation. we sit and eat, and bonnie asks me about eleventh grade, which is not a very interesting topic of conversation, if you ask me.

in october, instead of moving to vacaville, my brother spends his whole savings on a diamond ring for bonnie. gold. really nice. he drives her out to the edge of the bay and proposes to her. down on one knee, ring box open, the whole thing. she says, 'what the hell?' which is not at all the answer my brother expects.
'holy christ, wade,' she says after a minute. 'take that stupid thing back and get your money.'
my brother must have been humiliated, down on his knee like that. but the worst part is, he cant take the ring back. it had been on sale for $699. he cant tell bonnie. he loves her too much and hes just too embarrassed.
he tells her he'll tke it back, and she tells him that its not because she doesnt love him, just that she isnt ready yet. she wants them both to have good jobs and their own apartment and also, when they do get married, she wants white gold, not yellow.

around halloween, wade gets a new truck. well, a new used truck, but its pretty nice. its a ford, and its red, and it still looks good even though it about 10 years old.
once he gets the truck, everything changes. wade starts acting happy again, like his regular self. he is still working at 7-11, only now he's the day manager, which means he makes $10.12 an hour and knows the combination to the safe.
he robs the 7-11 because bonnie thinks hes got his money back and when he really traded the ring for his truck. he opens the safe and takes some cash. not all of it, but enough to move to vacaville. smth lyk a thousand dollars.
bt its the stupidest robbery of all tym because after they figure out the night manager didnt do it, wade is the first and only suspect. the cops arrest him at work while the short guy who owns the place yells at him in the parking lot.
when wade calls from the police station, i answer the phone. all he says is to call mum and tell her hes in jail.
bonnie is furious. when she meets us down at the jail, her hair is ropy and knotted as if she drove with her head out the window.
'youre gonna get locked up,' she says when she sees him.

whoohoo. too lazy to continue today. ll continue typing tomms. heh. its frm the july edition of seventeen. for those who havnt read, hold on for a while k? its a really nice story. :)

what the hell is wrong with signmyguestbook ! -raves- seriously irritated ! evrytym i sign smeone's gb, they go lyk : oops ! you cant sign again this fast ! wht rubbish ! ths has bn going on for the past few days ! argh. hw am i supp to tell ppl i haf moved ths way ?!

forgot to blog about sceneful indulgence ! it ws gr8. really good. :) funny and captured the audiences attention for most of the tym. so there ! -looks at wai pointedly-

xXx now, dont just walk away,
pretending everything's okay.
and you dont care about me.
i know it's just no use,
when all your lies become your truths.
but i dont care. xXx

just watched wht a girl wnts agn for the english review project. [dnt do on the sme movie ! it's tken !] touching ! moved cos my old blog's screwed..cldnt blog for days ! ._.

dont know what happened, dont wanna listen to you no more. cos youve changed, so much, i just cant imagine how.

Well you sold my heart
And I'll get it back
But look me in the eye babe
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that… oh oh

Well I walk this world
Five times or more
And after all this walking babe
You still got me crawling on the floor
Crawling on the floor

And I know this world keeps on turning
Keeps me yearning
How can you turn and walk away
Pretending everything's ok
How can you turn your back
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that oh oh

Well I thought you'd listen
But I'm shattered like broken glass
But I thought that we'd be different babe
Yeah I thought that we would last
Yeah I thought that we would last

And I know this world keeps on spinning
Every minute that you're in it
How can you turn and walk away
Pretending everything's ok
How can you turn your back
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that…oh oh

Love me or leave me baby don't
Lead me on
With nothing like yours believe me I'm better off
I'm better off alone
Oh ooh

Well I was your Gypsy
Throwing diamonds at your feet
Drifting 'round you like a satellite
I gave you everything you need
Everything you need

And I know this world keeps on turning
Keeps me yearning and yearning
How can you turn and walk away
Pretending everything's ok
How can you turn your back
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that oh oh

How can you just break away
Why can't you find the words to say
Love is something you work at
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that
Why you love me like that oh

How can you grow up so when
Look at what you lost then
Now everything in shades of grey
Now you're pushing me away
Say all the things you need to say
Thought we were going all the way
Play all the games you wanna play

So that we just stay away

Wed Jul 23, 07:54:04 PM
xXx in this world, there are some things you rely on, like a sure bet. and when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith,
- right where you stand. xXx

i discovered today tht i haf an obsession w miniature perfumes !! my godd. it all began whn my dsf brot her mini connexion to sch n got me addicted [im a dick, im addicted to you.. :D] to all ths !! thn last sunday ws looking wistfully at the miniature escada one..wnted to just tke it cos it wsnt on sale [!!] bt didnt in the end bcos ths idiot came up. anws, today, i found the perfect shop to indulge in my addiction !! :D the sasa shop at hougang mall totally rawks !! :p they sell all kinds of miniature perfumes !! oh my. :) wai n i were crazy ovr the miracle one. so cute ! bt the anna sui butterfly one ws really nice too. and anna sui dolly face !! bt they aint selling the miniature of tht one. ._. u hafta buy the big one n they gif u the miniature for free..anyone buying it ? -wide smile-

went sushi crazy w wai, qing, xin, bern + xiu today !! ate 6 plates [according to thm, it ws very lil due to my 'small stomach' ?!] it ws till the very end whn i ws so stuffed tht xiu discovered my favourite jellyfish sushi ws actually on the menu ! ._. didnt haf it anw cos i ws really stuffed !! oh well. xiu ate so much !! -eyes bulges out- and we wenta the library too !! stood outsyd the library for sometym cos we ended up watching energy vcds outsyd of the shop..used to dislyk chinese boybands bt discovered the cuteness in toro !! haha. the librarians thr suck !! lyk totally !! ugh. didnt see eye candy all these while..oh well. :( oh ! suddnly remembered the conversation i had w qing on the bus !! happily yakking away abt _____. :) hee. -delighted-

geog+chi tests finally ovr !! think im gna flunk both of thm badly. -grr- really wnted to do well. :( oh well. it's ovr alr anws. ll just hafta work harder nxt tym, i guess. oh, which reminds me..the chinese tcher says im a good girl :) bt maybe she said tht just cos she wnted to bribe me into changing places. -frowns- reenx ! she cant tear me away frm u !! never ! haha.

was talking to my sis ytd abt her funny experiences w at*..sheesh !! so corny. sister-bonding :) [yea, i ws supp to b studying geog thn, bt oh well.]